USS Barack Obama NCC 93310

The boy takes me a on a tour around a new ship that he’s made in MineCraft.

Cain Jonathan Murray

The 10th anniversary of my wife’s passing was a couple of months ago. When I realized it was coming up, I spent hours tense and worried about how I would react. It was November 28, 2002, Thanksgiving Day, and every Thanksgiving since has been difficult for me. When 11/28/12 rolled around, though, I never even thought about it. It was a couple days later as I saw that December had already arrived that I realized that the date had slipped by. I think it was something I unconsciously avoided rather than forgot, though. I just don’t think I would have been able to think about those things on that day.

That event has probably shaped me more than any other. She was six months pregnant with our second son when she died and we were already getting excited about his impending arrival. I would talk to him in her tummy and let both of them know how happy they made me. We already knew he was a boy from a prior ultrasound, and we were still going over a short list of names for him. Dawn and I both had four letter, single syllable names, and almost everybody gets boiled down to a single syllable nickname by their family, anyway, so we went with “Tate” for our oldest. “Aria,” was multiple syllable, but we were so in love with that name that we gave it to our daughter who came next. This third child, our second boy, was either going to be “Kurt” after my father and I, or “Cain.” Dawn thought it’d be nice to give the boy my name, but I, having been a “junior,” knew the confusion that comes from having two people in the house with the same name and I wanted us to go with Cain. I think having a strong, unique name is a good way to start a life. Sort of a guidepost to help define that path even as it’s just beginning.

Except we never had the opportunity to finally decide together. I lost them both and my son was laid to rest with his mother.

All of this got stirred up, again, today, as I was listening to “I Will Wait,” by Mumford & Sons, and read a post online where a person speculated that the song was the singer kneeling down and talking to his unborn son. Just reading that line destroyed me, and it all came flooding back. Those days so long ago when I used to do exactly that.